When your mind has been hijacked by the past, you may experience flashbacks, a disconnection from your body and the people around you. It can be a lonely experience and make you want to avoid interacting with yourself. Today, it is only too easy to escape ourselves with TV, games, and substances. Engaging in visualization exercises can be a strategy for befriending our minds again. In EMDR therapy this is one of the beginning stages known as “resourcing”. Resourcing means creating tools to use to cope with the negative memory material that can get triggered by talking about the trauma. However, these tools are not just important in the therapy room. It is very normal to avoid reminders of your trauma when living with PTSD. Unfortunately, avoidance is not enough to heal. An important part of your healing journey will be to find the tools and coping skills that will allow you to increase your tolerance of the triggers. That is not to say that there is one perfect way to increase tolerance or that it needs to be done all at once. Not at all! Everyone will be different and so it is important to discover what your pace will be and take things a piece at a time. Visualization exercises could serve to compartmentalize trauma memories, create beautiful places, to dare to dream of a place that would have met your needs if you suffered neglect, and so much more. Visualization exercises are similar to guided meditation in that your therapist will be reading a script, however key aspects of the visualization exercise are open-ended. You get to decide the unique characteristics of your visualized tools are. This is especially healing if you have suffered neglect or where never allowed to safely play as a child. As adults you have access to carving time and space to cultivate a powerful healing experience where there are no right or wrong answers or “supposed to’s”. Can you imagine a place to store and “put away” your trauma history just for now? What would be strong enough to hold that? Can you imagine a place where your inner child would feel safe? What would they need to be able to play or get their needs met? Where can you imagine feeling safe and at ease? Can you imagine giving yourself an environment of compassion and understanding instead of always working so hard to push things away? In my sessions I strongly believe in the power of engaging in visualizations as a way to give you the power to create these places for yourself. Your mind is a powerful tool and can be called upon to help you heal from trauma constructively. Engaging in a practice of using your imagination in a constructive way will help you to stay mindful when triggers occur and to help keep your response from being “too severe” so you can be curious about what your real experiences are. Working with a therapist on this can be a missing piece to being able to tolerate the distress of trauma therapy.

As adults of childhood trauma you may have never had the adults in your life take the time to ask what you were feeling, if you were feeling out of balance, or validate your feelings. More often we are taught to go along with things because you ”have to”or “that's how we do things”. Dysfunctional families have many expectations about what you should have been doing but often take little time to help you meet those expectations or ask how you feel about what’s going on. There are many reasons why your parents may have done this. They could have lacked the emotional equipment to know what to do with your feelings. They could have been unable to deal with their own feelings without acting on them. They wanted to look good or had fear based ideas about what was best for your future. The wounds we carry While it is very normal to feel some existential dread about our place in life from time to time, many adults (and children) who are part of a dysfunctional family really struggle to know what they like or what makes them happy. This leaves people without a mechanism for knowing when life is out of balance or what really motivates them. You may feel a huge disconnect from your emotions if the adults in your life did not allow space for you to explore your interests and relationship to your emotional self. As children you may have been seen as cargo, to be seen and not heard, or your parents may have believed you were too young to remember. These false beliefs put kids at a disadvantage when it comes to building the structures needed to develop a healthy relationship to their emotions and the emotions of others. As adults there is so much that has to get done on a daily basis to take care of ourselves and function in society.Our emotions are our driving energy and an important tool in structuring a life that fulfills us. When life is out of balance it can have devastating effects on our mental health. Isolation, self-neglect, and making yourself small can lead you to feeling depressed and unhappy. On the other end of the spectrum, showing up for everyone else, packing every hour with so many activities that there is barely time to pee, and never allowing your nervous system to rest can lead you to feeling anxious and out of control. Part of healing the disconnect that you may feel to your emotional experience is understanding that emotions are a natural and instinctual part of human experiences. They are a part of our brain just like our memories, thoughts, or ability to feel physical sensations. So feeling emotions whether big or small is part of our common humanity. Confusing Emotions with Actions Surviving a dysfunctional family, you may be confusing emotions with actions. The message growing up was that if someone acted in violence, they did that because they were angry. That confused the emotions with actions. It also insinuates that people shouldn’t be held accountable for what they do when they are angry. This is done in order for your parents to continue the family’s status quo instead of facing life or the family's problems honestly. Parents may have been acting on their own fear based beliefs when they avoided your feelings. If they truly acknowledge your feelings then they would have to hold themselves accountable or an abusive partner. Their fear based thought could be “if I respect this boundary, what does that mean for me, where will it end?” They would be admitting to your right to having emotions and boundaries. Their own low self worth may be depended on your “respecting them” or acting as a “respectful” daughter, son, ect. You may be acting on these inherited fear based thoughts about emotions. You may be having your own fear based thoughts about emotions such as: “I don’t have time for this” or “If I feel this, will I just be depressed and not take care of (my kids, work, everyone else)”. “Will I have to make huge changes I am not ready for?”. “Will I become a rage-aholic like my parent?”. You maybe “stuffing” or detaching from your feelings. Unfortunately this is not a selective process, one emotion is part of the same mechanism so labeling one as unacceptable has consequences for your whole emotional experience. What are emotions? Emotions are energizing, they tell us what we like and don’t like; what is fair and not fair; what we want to do and what we don’t want to do. They help us make sense of our life and the people around us. They come and change, and we can feel many different things towards one situation. Emotions are also our connection to our body. Research shows that our emotions are felt within our bodies (feeling in the pit of our stomach, burning in your chest, tightness in your throat, feeling anxious in your arms). Adults of dysfunctional families can feel very stunted in this as parents didn’t take the time to teach, develop, or maybe even accept emotions. Once you accept that having an emotional experience to the world is normal, you can begin by increasing your emotional vocabulary. Naming what you are feeling (eg. Right now I am mad, right now I am scared). This will be the topic of my next article. As they say in AA “easy does it”. Building your emotional vocabulary and insight are amazing steps towards recovery and healing wounds that still affect you today.

The holidays are here and that means eggnog, cinnamon scented everything and Mariah Carey. If you come from a dysfunctional family it can also mean painful reminders of the past, uncomfortable parties, and emotional burden. This season is stressful and you may be feeling pressure to “do it all” despite our bodies and the weather signaling for us to slow down or perhaps dealing with seasonal depression. That stress can be worth it if you genuinely receive lots of love and warm connection from loved ones, but what if you are left feeling depleted, anxious, or even offended after the guests leave? What does it look like? If you feel like you are the only one putting in the work to get the party together; attend a party only to be berated by insults; feel unsettled because people might get too drunk/ high; need to get drunk/ high in order to go to the party, or feel judgment for your efforts like nothing you do is right, these may be signs that there are dysfunctional patterns in your family. Insults, shame, lies, denial, judgment, guilt tripping, or not taking responsibility are the tools of dysfunctional people. In relationships, these tools are used to meet their needs or avoid pain. Stress exacerbates these unhealthy behaviors. It is not hard to see why so many incidents occur during the holidays. In relationships meeting needs can be the need for attention, comfort, connection, space, love, intimacy, self-care or it can be a need for things like money, use of a car, doing a chore or making decisions, or adhering to a family standard/ tradition. None of these needs are unhealthy on their own, they are a natural part of everyday life. It is the use of dysfunctional manipulation tools that makes this unhealthy. Why does it happen? Dysfunctional avoidance of pain can be avoiding anything that seems threatening to the “status quo”. This can look like they are avoiding taking responsibility for their own actions or their own unfulfilled lives, avoiding vulnerability, fears, their discomfort of change, or their own discomfort of other people’s emotional reactions. They (and, let's be honest, we) feel physically threatened by this emotional pain and will avoid it with the dysfunctional tools. Most people are genuinely good people in most situations, stress just brings out their worst, or inner wounds. There may be a fight (fights are normal) but then there can be a focus on solving the problem and finding a compromise with meeting the need or making the pain bearable. Change yourself first Resolving conflicts can be a great opportunity for your own healing and growth. In relationships, there is an opportunity to try to take a look at ourselves and ask, have my boundaries changed? Am I not communicating a need? Is there a responsibility that I need to take? What is the person trying to communicate to me? Is there room for compromise? Changing yourself and meeting your needs can lead to great improvements in your relationships. It also sends the message that their unhealthy attempts to control you are falling short. There are dangerous or extremely toxic relationships however, if your safety or emotional health is at risk, it is a good idea to reach out to a professional or consult domestic violence resources. Link here . I wish you peace, health and the strength to prioritize your needs during these stressful times.

For many of us, attending a place of worship was our first experience with a connection to something greater than ourselves. There can be a wealth of benefits you can take away from being a part of a faith community such as charity, support, and a moment to connect to the divine. Unfortunately, faith communities can also be places of great pain for many people. We may have grappled with rigid structures, controlling members, nepotism, suppression and even the use of violence. In mental health the use of God as a weapon for manipulation is referred to as spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is important to explore because of the role it plays in our perception of right and wrong. This is called out moral development. There are many theories on this, such as Kholberg’s stages of moral development. Because our morality and/or faith is such an important part of our development it can be unfortunately used as a tool to harm us even if the person has good intentions. How can spiritual abuse affect my mental health? Spiritual abuse is a devastating manipulation tactic to exert power or control over you. Having lived experiences of someone using God or spirituality as a weapon on you can affect many aspects of your life. From the way you express your sexual desires to your life satisfaction, your diet, your financial boundaries and even your self care. It can affect your sense of how good enough you are or make you feel that things are out of your control. Spiritual abuse can affect the health of an individual, couples, families, and whole worship communities. Spiritual abuse can also be directed from communities to pastors and faith leaders. What can healthy spirituality mean for me? It is important to get out of the cycle of violence that can be perpetrated in a spiritual abuse situation in any way you can. Your safety is an important first step to healing from spiritual abuse. The answer to this question is incredibly different from person to person and faith to faith. This is a great and healing question to work on with a therapist that you trust. One that values your faith and is open to discussing the aspects of your faith that hurt you. With this support you can begin to mourn and recover from your spiritual abuse. I think healthy spirituality is one that feeds you, nurtures you and helps (not hurts) you in the face of adversity. It is one that recognizes that all humans have faced adversity, and to face adversity makes us all human. It offers self compassion, patience, connection, and mindfulness towards ourselves. Author Reba Riley’s book Post Traumatic Church Syndrome offers a a great read on this from a first hand perspective.

How to Choose the Right EMDR Therapist

One of my favorite therapists who specializes in the dissociation aspect of trauma is Dr. Jamie Marich . In one of her recent trainings, Dr. Marish proposed three simple questions that really energized me to deepen my understanding of recovery from trauma and what it means to live a wonderful life after surviving traumatic events or upbringings. Each of these questions will have similarities but are also highly personal and may develop differently for each person. I encourage you to think about the ways they might apply to you and also the unique ways that you might differ. This is one of my favorite things about trauma recovery, no two people are at all the same. The ways you feel and cope with trauma can be different and those positive differences should be celebrated. If your trauma symptoms are impacting your ability to process, it is best to move forward with the help of a therapist or mental health provider. It is OK to ask for help and gain a supportive person for your journey. Without further ado, here are three important questions about trauma recovery: What is processing? How do we process? Why do we want to process? What is processing? Firstly, what is trauma processing? What will it mean to me to process my trauma? There are so many ways trauma symptoms may present themselves in our lives and what we do about them. One of the ways people feel stuck or have difficulties with trauma symptoms is the suddenness or reoccuring of trauma triggers. Not knowing what will remind you of the darkest times if your life is very scary and debilitating. When people feel triggered all the time they might start avoiding things that used to make them happy. Feeling like a different person because you no longer do the things you used to enjoy. Processing traumatic events means that you have skills and self awareness that helps in the face of triggers that “pop up”. Trauma changes the way we think about ourselves, other people, the world, and our future. You are updating that information when you seek new experiences and try to gain more understanding of who you are. How do we process? It was thought that the only way to move past trauma was to talk about it, but there are so many ways people have found healing. Some examples include art, music, drama, mindfulness, spending time in nature, doing self-care, finding a sport or exercise that you like, pottery or crafts, yoga, having meaningful conversations with loved ones, writing poetry or stories, and seeking support from other people who have also struggled with trauma. Again, while there are similarities in the ways people feel trauma, the ways we cope with it can vary so much. There is no one size-fits-all approach to finding what works. Some thoughtful ways you can start thinking about what you might like to do to process in your own way could be thinking about things you liked doing in the past or perhaps things you’ve wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to. If you perhaps wanted to learn how to sing but came from a family that was overly critical, this can be an opportunity to try some singing lessons! It is important to take a mindful approach to taking steps towards what you would like to try. Your personal safety should also be paramount in the way you go about this. Expect that the trauma thoughts will come up as well as setbacks, and reach out for support from a trusted friend or mental health professional when you need it. Why do we want to process? By its very nature, trauma brings up intensely negative emotions such as suffering, guilt, shame, and intense feelings of being unsafe. This drives us to want to avoid the feelings by masking for others, isolating ourselves, self medicating with drugs and alcohol, or overworking. While it makes so much sense that you don’t want to feel this way and are deeply suffering, masking and avoidance does not allow you to change the way you process the memories and it does not challenge the unhelpful beliefs that formed as a result of the trauma. When you are out there doing what you love or attending to your body’s reactions mindfully even when you might not feel like it, the message you send to yourself is that the trauma does not define you. It offers the opportunity to move towards the life you want to live and make new memories. Again, the reason why you are considering processing your trauma is highly personal. What is your real reason and your true purpose for doing it? This could be because you want to feel more confident and respected, you may want to feel more connected to your body and your inner child, you may want to have a better sex life, or break cycles of trauma for your family. I love helping my clients be able to answer these questions for themselves in therapy and be a part of the beautiful, rewarding things that come from their courage and self expression. I thank Dr. Marich for her thought provoking questions, I thank you for taking the time to read this article and hope that you found it useful. I close with this quote by Rumi “Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.”

Published Aug, 26th, 2022 Hello! Thank you for taking the time to visit and get curious about EMDR! My journey with becoming an EMDR practitioner has been exciting and oh, so rewarding! Here is the official description of Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing from the EMDR International Association or EMDRIA: "EMDR is a structured therapy that encourages the patient to briefly focus on the trauma memory while simultaneously experiencing bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements), which is associated with a reduction in the vividness and emotion associated with the trauma memories. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy is an extensively researched, effective psychotherapy method proven to help people recover from trauma and PTSD symptoms. Ongoing research supports positive clinical outcomes showing EMDR therapy as a helpful treatment for disorders such as anxiety, depression, OCD, chronic pain, addictions, and other distressing life experiences." There is a wealth of knowledge that has culminated from wonderful clinicians who have utilized this modality since its inception in the late 1980s by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. There are a large number of clinical studies and randomized trials that back up the effectiveness of the therapy. Celebrities such as Prince Harry and Sandra Bullock have also publicly shared about their journey with EMDR. The Process EMDR changes the way memories, information, and beliefs are stored and experienced by using bilateral stimulation. Bilateral stimulation means using different strategies to stimulate both sides of the brain. This can be done in person and with telehealth video appointments. It is important to find the kind of bilateral stimulation that works best for you. Before learning about the types of bilateral stimulation It is important to mention that EMDR work should be done with a qualified therapist who you feel comfortable with. I will go into more depth about this below. Here are some examples of ways to administer bilateral stimulation: Eye Movements Typically the therapist will use their two fingers to prompt you to sweep your eyes from side to side or diagonally. The Butterfly Hug This form of self tapping was originated by Lucy Artigas, while working in Acapulco with survivors of hurricane Paulina in 1997. Here we wrap our arms in front of us so that each hand is tapping the opposite shoulder. Tappers This type of bilateral stimulation involves using two vibrating tappers that are held in each hand. Now you can also download the EMDR Tappers app and do this remotely by using two phones or your phone and a smartwatch. Audio Stimulation Here you could wear a set of headphones that will alternate sounds from the left to right ear. Hand Tapping This is where the therapist will tap your hands or knees, again left to right to engage bilateral stimulation. Why is it important to work with therapist? Can’t I just do this myself? (the answer is no, definitely not in the beginning) The beauty of EMDR is that you don’t have to disclose everything that you have experienced in your life or the session. However a therapist does so much more than just administer the bilateral stimulation. There should be trust between you and the therapist to respect your processing and to hold space for you when you need it. Therapists help you identify coping strategies, memory targets, dysfunctional beliefs, and even defense mechanisms that may be present in your life. Therapists help you stay grounded and present during the session and make sure you have a plan for re-engaging in life after the session. I hope you have enjoyed this brief look at what EMDR is and that it has sparked curiosity to start your own journey. Here is the link to where you can find an EMDR therapist near you.

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. - Stephen Covey (Author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People) Thank you so much for reading this blog article, I am really glad you are here! Chances are you may be feeling lost and in need of a “self care sit down” to think about whether you want to add more goals to your life in order to live to your fullest. As with all my articles I invite you to grab a warm cup of tea, pen, and paper and let's look at ways to build a life worth living! In CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) practitioners recommend three categories of activities people who live a balanced life do. So without further ado please enjoy the three categories of activities that are important to living a balanced life. Activity for pleasure Activity for achievement Activity for Social Connection to Loved Ones Activity for Pleasure Do you make time to do things just for the fun of it? These are the things that make you feel joy, fulfilled, or that spark curiosity in you. Just like there is a variety of people who exist, there are a variety of fun things to do. If you are struggling with depression, anhedonia or lack of pleasure; this can be a triggering topic. Just like you are learning to take care of yourself without the same energy or will to do it, it is just as important to learn to have pleasurable experiences again. A block you may be having is comparing yourself to your pre depressed self or a society of non depressed people. For now, any effort towards adding pleasure back into your life is an experiment to be celebrated! You may have developed new interests or needs when it comes to your hobbies. If restarting an old hobby seems too daunting or you have a lot of other responsibilities, an important first step is to break down each activity into small steps. Doing these small steps gives you the opportunity for happiness later on. Things not being as fun as they were before suffering depression, is unfortunately to be expected. AND it does not mean that it won’t ever be fun. The outcome of trying is not as important (right now) as you getting out there and trying. Trying things out sends the message that you are important. You're willing to put yourself out there to give yourself or your inner being what it needs. Ask yourself: What do I like to do? What did I like to do before? How can I break this down into little steps? Activity for Achievement Do you allow yourself opportunities to take credit for what you do? People often overlook their accomplishments as mundane, yet hyper-focus on what needs to be done. I am guilty of this 100%. It can be uncomfortable to accept praise from others. However, this is often what we most deeply desire. Because we want so badly to be accepted and acknowledged, it can feel terrible when we don’t get it. Even more scary is negative feedback! Avoiding opportunities is the way many people avoid negative feedback. Unfortunately, avoiding opportunities causes our worlds to become smaller and smaller. It’s a natural desire to want to achieve things in roles we take (as parents, children, in our friend groups, in our professional communities). Even admitting you want to achieve more with your life is a beautiful first step. When it comes to wanting to achieve more while suffering with depression, there are many key points to consider. Again, it is important to be aware if you are making harmful comparisons (your pre depressed self/ non depressed peers). Breaking things down into small steps is also an important way to stave off feeling overwhelmed. Can it start with a 5 minute Google search? Writing an Email? Finding the right numbers to call? Another key point to consider is that we may have people in our lives imposing themselves on our life worth living. It is very difficult to keep hope alive if there are naysayers or energy suckers. Some people can say “screw these people, I’m going to leave and figure this out on my own”. In my experience most people stick around for far too long and sadly, others’ negativity slowly seeps in. Ask yourself: What will I be proud of if I achieve in my life? What did I want to do before I was depressed? Are there negative people in my life that are stopping me from trying? How can I limit being around their negativity? Activity for Social Connection to Loved Ones Have you reached out to someone lately? It is very understandable why depressed people isolate more and more especially when considering the energy it takes to keep up relationships. We think that our problems are so shameful and embarrassing that people, even understanding people, would look at us differently if they knew what was going on. So, we turn away from otherwise caring people and again our world becomes smaller. Sometimes people are not so caring right off the bat, and the energy it might take to explain and get them to understand can feel overwhelming. Because of this it is important to find out what your real reason for social connection is. Is it because you want to be a connected (aunt, uncle, sister, spouse, leader, coach). Maybe there were people who, even with their imperfections, added something to your life. It is easier to start reconnecting with these people. If there are people on your contact list who you are wondering about (or who have been wondering about you), break down what you might have the capacity to do. There are different levels of social connection. For example, you might not be ready to spend a weekend with your nice uncle in San Francisco but you may be able to send him a “hope you're having a good day :)” text message. Even just starting conversations (in whatever format) with one more person is a step in the right direction. We do not pick the families we grow up with and maybe your childhood friend groups were not the right ones. Maybe these were not the supportive people you needed in your life. If you want to have a space to talk about what's bothering you with kind supportive people there are so many resources available (peer support groups, Facebook groups, hobby groups, churches, volunteer groups). Again we can think about the different levels of interactions here. You may not be ready to join a group, but perhaps can start by researching an online community. Ask yourself: What do I think it would be like to be able to call someone and have a conversation, maybe even a laugh? Who do I miss who I can call? Who has been trying to reach out to me? How can I break this into smaller steps? I hope these topics and questions have provided you with some ideas to start adding more things to your “life worth living”. If you are struggling and would like to begin your therapy journey, please contact me for a consultation to see if we would be a good fit to work together.

Oftentimes, we get stuck. We find some forward momentum and work towards our goals but are left feeling like what we're doing is not enough or we feel things have gotten monotonous or we’re overwhelmed! Since the early days of isolation, the COVID pandemic has brought me time to consider my self care in these moments and if I am truly practicing what I preach. I haven’t always done something with that self awareness but hey, it is the first step to making changes! In other parts of my life I have really been able to (sort of) build consistency and (definitely) found a deep connection to the way I care for my mental health. A crucial part of therapy is finding ways to care for our unique needs and reconnecting with those needs in meaningful ways. Taking good self care can be very difficult especially with the chaos going on in the world. Add to that if you are suffering with the debilitating symptoms of trauma, anxiety, depression or ADHD. In the following section I suggest five questions you can use to self-evaluate when feeling “stuck”. I hope you can take a look at them and find some ideas on how you can get back to feeling some positive momentum. Let’s Normalize the struggle! First of all, it is important to emphasize that feeling this way is NORMAL! You might feel lost, confused, bored, or too pressured for time to do this exercise in the first place. That is all normal and very much something that a lot of people feel at this very moment. We are human and it is OK to feel this way. Now, without further ado, here are the five questions that you can ask yourself when you are feeling stuck. 1. Is what I am doing now working? 2. Is it taking me closer or further from my goals? 3. Is it reducing or increasing my distress/ is it helping at the cost of something else? 4. Is it reasonable to try something different? 5. Am I ready to try something else? Is what I am doing now working? If your answer is yes….then congratulations! You are making progress towards your goals. This might be a good time to practice some grounding, gratitude and acceptance of the time that is required to see our goals through. If the answer is anything but yes, this question might seem deceptively simple, but can be triggering. It requires us to be honest with ourselves. It is not easy to reflect on the things that are not working for us. It can bring up feelings of “failing”, anger, loneliness, resentment, shame and guilt. Know that in doing this self reflection you are beginning the path towards moving PAST these feelings. If we can start to face them and try new things or ask for help, we won't stay stuck. Signs that what you are doing is not working include feeling like you have repetitive fights, feeling defensive, victimized, or physically/ mentally depleted over and over again. It must be said again, give yourself a pat on the back for getting curious about yourself and lets keep going! Is it taking me closer or further from my goals? Oftentimes we can lose sight of what our goals are with the hustle and bustle of the day or being in survival mode. Or maybe we’ve been in survival mode for so long, we’ve forgotten what our goals even are?? I will be writing a future blog on how to redefine goals in the future; but for now lets say you notice day after day go by and the goal you want for yourself keeps getting put on the back burner. It’s normal for things to take time, or for other responsibilities to be prioritized (especially if you have people who depend on you like kids for example). Yet, at the end of the day we are responsible for moving the momentum of our lives forward. So lets do it with honesty and self compassion. Is it reducing or increasing my distress/ is it helping at the cost of something else? This is a slippery one. So if you are feeling lost and perhaps have been for some time it may be that numbing or avoidance have become a normal part of dealing with distress. Avoidance can come in the form of putting others' needs in front of your own, drinking or using substances/ other activities too much. While these forms of “coping” have their place in everyday life, they could be the reason you feel stuck. There can be huge costs to not prioritizing your goals or being vocal about what you want to do. In relationships this can be putting other people's needs in front of your own. Its true when "they" say that it's easier to solve other people's problems than it is to solve your own. You may even feel a temporary "high" from just getting something done. However, substituting this for doing your own reflecting, doesn't work. Is it reasonable to try something different? Listen, not every one has the luxury to strive for our desires at every point in life. There can be periods where it may not be a good time to try something new. We have all been subject to the yo-yoing of public restrictions because of the pandemic, for example. Also, finances, having young kids, having to care for a sick family member, experiencing a loss, not having security or stability. There are many reasons that it may not be a good time to make big changes. If the way things are now causes you more distress and it is reasonable to try something different then that can be really exciting, scary, overwhelming! So lets talk about how to make it more manageable. Are you ready to try something else? You’ve made it to the last question, yay! This question is crucial because it helps us break cycles. If you come from a family who has never taken interest in your inner process, it can be a new experience. Even as adults so much of our life is ruled by what we are supposed to be doing. Unless someone or something comes along and forces us to do something we might not have the tools to get started ourselves. You are beginning an exciting journey by asking yourself if you are ready to make a change. You are inviting your being into the conversation of what you want for your life. Respecting boundaries with yourself might be that you are NOT ready to make a change just yet. That is OK. The fact that you are curious about yourself and what your wants are is an important part of finding out what you ARE ready for. If you are ready….. WOO HOO!! You found something worth doing! Please see my previous post on getting started doing tasks while coping with life/ the world/ mental health symptoms.