Each of these questions will have similarities but are also highly personal and may develop differently for each person. I encourage you to think about the ways they might apply to you and also the unique ways that you might differ. This is one of my favorite things about trauma recovery, no two people are at all the same. The ways you feel and cope with trauma can be different and those positive differences should be celebrated. If your trauma symptoms are impacting your ability to process, it is best to move forward with the help of a therapist or mental health provider. It is OK to ask for help and gain a supportive person for your journey. Without further ado, here are three important questions about trauma recovery:
What is processing?
How do we process?
Why do we want to process?
What is processing?
Firstly, what is trauma processing? What will it mean to me to process my trauma?
There are so many ways trauma symptoms may present themselves in our lives and what we do about them. One of the ways people feel stuck or have difficulties with trauma symptoms is the suddenness or reoccuring of trauma triggers. Not knowing what will remind you of the darkest times if your life is very scary and debilitating. When people feel triggered all the time they might start avoiding things that used to make them happy. Feeling like a different person because you no longer do the things you used to enjoy.
Processing traumatic events means that you have skills and self awareness that helps in the face of triggers that “pop up”. Trauma changes the way we think about ourselves, other people, the world, and our future. You are updating that information when you seek new experiences and try to gain more understanding of who you are.
How do we process?
It was thought that the only way to move past trauma was to talk about it, but there are so many ways people have found healing. Some examples include art, music, drama, mindfulness, spending time in nature, doing self-care, finding a sport or exercise that you like, pottery or crafts, yoga, having meaningful conversations with loved ones, writing poetry or stories, and seeking support from other people who have also struggled with trauma. Again, while there are similarities in the ways people feel trauma, the ways we cope with it can vary so much. There is no one size-fits-all approach to finding what works.
Some thoughtful ways you can start thinking about what you might like to do to process in your own way could be thinking about things you liked doing in the past or perhaps things you’ve wanted to do but haven’t had a chance to. If you perhaps wanted to learn how to sing but came from a family that was overly critical, this can be an opportunity to try some singing lessons! It is important to take a mindful approach to taking steps towards what you would like to try. Your personal safety should also be paramount in the way you go about this. Expect that the trauma thoughts will come up as well as setbacks, and reach out for support from a trusted friend or mental health professional when you need it.
Why do we want to process?
By its very nature, trauma brings up intensely negative emotions such as suffering, guilt, shame, and intense feelings of being unsafe. This drives us to want to avoid the feelings by masking for others, isolating ourselves, self medicating with drugs and alcohol, or overworking. While it makes so much sense that you don’t want to feel this way and are deeply suffering, masking and avoidance does not allow you to change the way you process the memories and it does not challenge the unhelpful beliefs that formed as a result of the trauma. When you are out there doing what you love or attending to your body’s reactions mindfully even when you might not feel like it, the message you send to yourself is that the trauma does not define you. It offers the opportunity to move towards the life you want to live and make new memories.
Again, the reason why you are considering processing your trauma is highly personal. What is your real
reason and your true
purpose for doing it? This could be because you want to feel more confident and respected, you may want to feel more connected to your body and your inner child, you may want to have a better sex life, or break cycles of trauma for your family.
I love helping my clients be able to answer these questions for themselves in therapy and be a part of the beautiful, rewarding things that come from their courage and self expression. I thank Dr. Marich for her thought provoking questions, I thank you for taking the time to read this article and hope that you found it useful. I close with this quote by Rumi
“Don't turn away. Keep your gaze on the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.”